I get this question asked a lot “why don’t you take your meds?” they ask if there is medication for your diagnosis why aren’t you utilizing it? Honestly, I’ve always been someone to take up on a challenge, but this is not the reason I quit taking my meds. Some days my meds helped me and some days it caused me to feel much worse than I already was. I just got tired of taking so many meds a day and being so isolated life just felt numb to me and no reason to live in it. So I got the courage 4 years ago to grab all my meds and toss them for good! Here are 5 reasons why;
- Steroids- I started taking prednisone at 14 and even though it made me feel better it was still covering up the root cause. It caused me to gain so much weight, I hated it. It was a temporary fix, I was tired of the temporary.
- Consistency- I was prescribed a lot of meds that were both for cancer and autoimmune diseases so my hair will grow to fall out. If I caught a cold or the flu I would have to stop the meds until it passed. For some reason all the side effects of the meds that only show in a few people, I was always that few! So doctors’ were always switching my meds trying new things.
- Sleepiness- It’s already tough being a mother, it’s so much harder when you can’t even stay awake. I would be so out of it and by the time I would wake up the sun was down and the day escaped me. So, how did I keep a job? Caffeine! it was my BFF I drunk about 10 cups a day just to get me by, but I would only end up sicker than I was because caffeine is a big trigger when I’m having a flare-up. There was nothing I could do because my body became so immune to the meds so quickly they would have to bump it up to a higher dosage.
- Addiction- I became addicted to Xanax, I found myself popping pills when I wasn’t even having anxiety just because they made me feel a little alive. I could smile on days I really didn’t have it in me. I drank a lot because it made me numb and in that moment took me away from that person I hated most (Sick Shawna).
- Family- I was missing out on family, I avoided family gatherings because I would be so nervous of questions (Wow, Shawna you gained weight or Wow, you have gotten so skinny) yea…yea.. if only you knew my struggles. I couldn’t stand loud noises and I didn’t want them to see me have an anxiety attack because I was afraid to be around a big crowd. I just go tired of explaining myself.
I got tired of living this way, and I couldn’t stand another day of it. So I prayed to God…well more liked screamed, hollered and sobbed. I said enough is enough, I won’t continue to live my life this way and gave myself away to God so he could use me. That’s when I tried my first Daniel fast, started detoxing and doing so much research. God started to overflow my mind with things that needed to be done and they work for me. Some days get tough but I press on because God is greater than my illness. See my illness had me bound on the verge to committing suicide and ending it all but God said otherwise. I feel so free and full of life, this is my why. I have now found my purpose in life. I wasn’t created to be sick my whole life, but to find God and fulfill the purpose he created me for. I was just a person that the medication didn’t work out for. I’m just glad to be medication free and living life with a purpose.
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. 1 COR 10:13
This week I found it hard to post, I was busy with work and by the time I came home I was dog tired.Even when I woke in the morning I was still so fatigued, I was tempted to just give up because I couldn’t seem to find time to write.
Some of you may be tempted to give up your dreams because other things are becoming overwhelming and your dream doesn’t look as bright as it use too. God always makes a way of escape if he has given you the mind to start your dream, he will give you the mind to finish it. He knows your limits and what you can handle, you are strong! We just have to set aside a few things weighing us down.
Unfortunately, I can’t lay aside my job because I want to write but he does give me strength and the mindset to avoid other temptations and prioritize my weeks. He wouldn’t keep my mind full of ideas if he didn’t provide me with the right tools. He wouldn’t place a marvelous idea in your head if he knew it wouldn’t manifest. All God is doing is raising the bar because he knows your potential, sometimes the biggest accomplishments blossom under pressure.
This week know that your dreams will manifest in due time, keep working hard at it and stay positive. Great things arise in positive atmospheres.
Have A Great Week!
I was driving home from work a few nights ago and was thinking to myself about how sometimes we may feel like we are getting tugged back and forth. We are getting tossed and torn because it’s a battle going on for us. We could be in a wonderful place in our lives and within seconds get torn down and back into a slump.
Remember when you were a kid and you had this special toy that you really admired. Think how you felt when your older or younger sibling or cousin began to play with it. You would step us against them and begin to play a game of tug of war and you may say “It’s mine or I had it first. I began to wonder if that’s how God feels about us.
God created us in his image, we all were his first since birth. Since we were born in sin it immediately became a game of tug of war. God has this plan to prosper you and not to harm you when satan has the plan to deceive you and destroy you.
There are so many things happening in our lives right now that we are feeling torn and worn out and ready to throw in the towel because of the tugging is greater than we ever imagined it would be. The enemy wants to hold onto you like a leech for as long as he can because if he let’s go he knows what’s at stake. You know those cops that get into blind spots and hurry up and cut off their lights so they can catch you when you least expect it. That’s just like your enemy, he wants to hide in the dark and catch you slipping.
Where there is evil there is good, sorrow there is joy, pain there is a comfort, the enemy there is God and he is fighting for you much more than the enemy is because he knows the plans he has for you, he knows your potential, nothing good can come from evil. He knows that if you surrendered all how much he can do in your life, but he is aware that the enemy is on his job as well. So he tugs even harder because he is jealous for you!
Life’s challenges won’t stop, but God provides you with tools to help you get through them. He wants you all to himself, just like you wanted your favorite toy all to yourself. You are his favorite so if you can feel the tug know that God is fighting for you. He doesn’t want to see you give up, he doesn’t want you to feel alone. He’s saying “I’m right here, my child”. The voice is there, you just have to listen and let him guide you on the right path.
Fear, You have no place here
Fear is a big overtaker in our lives it destroys our dreams and potentials. It disables us from doing great things in this world that were meant to be. Fear has been with us since little toddlers afraid to see momma or daddy go, afraid to be bold..afraid afraid afraid!
Let me tell you this thing today, the enemy wants to keep you in fear. The devil has a way of doing things backwards because he wants you to keep going backwards.
Devil wants you to have fear which holds you bound and God wants you to be raef which is to excel in everything just by being yourself. Fear spelled backwards is raef, see what I’m saying.
Once you identify the fear slowly try to overcome it, this won’t be easy but it is always worth it. Fear has no place living in you so tell it and its supplier to kick rock. You have the victory!
So last night I was browsing through movies and came across I am not ashamed. I love watching movies while I doze off, but this movie caught my attention I found myself sitting up and wanting a snack because it was that good. I laughed and cried but most of all it made me think.
This movie is based on a true story; about a girl named Rachael Joy she went Columbine High School. I related so much to her maybe that’s why it touched me so much. She always knew she loved God, but had trouble expressing it fully and accepting Him with all her heart. As young women, we just want to fit in but something inside us is just different, we try doing what our friends do but inside our, hearts we feel convicted and feel we don’t belong.
In all reality we just want people to see us for who we are and accept us, we don’t want to lose relationships just because we love God. We want to build relationships because we love God. Racheal Joy began to realize how much she needed God and she wanted Him to do great things in her life, most importantly she wanted to be a light for Him. If you feel this way..God wants you too.
She dealt with non-believers, betrayal and more that we all go through as a young teen but she didn’t let it stop her from showing love to people. She kept smiling and helping other teens realize their potential in Christ. Some were upset because she loved God, and that’s normal but will you still stand up for him if they ask?
This movie was so powerful it is a must watch movie especially for teens. We all have a calling on our lives we just have to accept it and let God take over.It won’t be easy, but it’s worth it.
I want to start this off by saying this; you never know what is going on in the life of someone from young to old that may cause them to take their life. Please never judge a book by its cover. My heart goes out to any and everyone who has lost someone due to suicide. Let’s take the time to listen and really hear them and understand them because not one single person is perfect. #showlove
Living with a chronic illness is rough it takes a toll on your body, mind, and spirit. All you want to do is get better and live a normal life. It’s hard when people look at you and decide for themselves that your not sick because they can not see it. And once you hit a flare up and lose so much weight they diagnose you as being an addict or if you gain to much weight from steroids. We keep smiles on our faces to mask our pain but in the inside we hurt.
I remember driving along the highway a few times and thinking to myself, I should just drive onto the other side of the highway to just end it all. I was so tired of being in pain and having so many problems, I felt there was no reason to live if I couldn’t enjoy life. When you are in pain you don’t think about the people around you, sometimes you can’t your mind is tired and weary. Depression, anxiety, and pain weighs you down and kills your hope in life.Some days you cry and some days you don’t have any tears to cry. Chronic pain is and will never be easy to deal with, and we will all have our days, hang in there.
Suicidal thoughts come and go during a time when you are deeply unhappy with the situation you are in. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone, do something that makes you smile, most importantly try not to be alone. Even though during this time it may seem like you are all by yourself; remember you are not. God is always with you, to the ends of the earth.
I feel like it’s been such a long time since I have written. So much has happened in the last couple of weeks, I am just now starting to pull myself together. My hospital visit felt like forever, but I’m slowly recovering and I thank God for his many blessings that he has given me.
It is crazy how more important life becomes to you when your life could have ended. You start to cherish things that you were beginning to take advantage of. You enjoy the winds cool breeze, just the little things. I feel like I was losing sight of the simple things in life because I was becoming too busy with the unnecessary things in life. I began to notice I was saying to myself a lot ” It’s time for a vacation alone”. Be careful what you ask for, because I didn’t mean being sick in the hospital alone.
Now I know when my body starts speaking to my mind that I need a vacation alone, it’s time to regroup and become one with myself again. In Luke 5:16 says ” But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. So now I know my body was trying to force myself to get to a lonely place to pray, not that I needed a vacation alone by myself away from people. Just alone to pray to get my strength and help that my body way longing for from God.
Even though it was on sad terms that I ended up in the hospital, I know that my life is always in my Fathers hands. This is not the two weeks vacation I was seeking for but it is turning out into a “Thinkcation” I’m thinking a lot, praying a lot, writing a lot, but most importantly enjoying my family. I know we all have to pay bills and do adult things, but never lose sight on what matters the most in life ” the people who you can’t live without, but most importantly your relationship with God. It makes a big difference.
Always remember to love one another 🙂
Meditate on this today:
Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I was sitting on my bed, and decided to start a devotional journey. I am a young woman speaking from my heart, I will be writing whatever flows out. I will be doing a devotional through psalms,proverbs and job to start my journey and finish 2016 and the ending of 2017.
Is the Grass Greener or Artificial?
1. Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. 2. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in his law doth, he meditates day and night.
Are your eyes focused on the people who have more money, bigger house, driving a fancy car, better marriage or maybe even better health than you? In Psalms 1:1 it says “Blessed is the man”… The man who walks in God’s word not gazing or making a wish list for something you’ve seen someone else have. But the man that is happy and content with where he is in his/her life and what God has currently blessed them with. Sometimes it can be difficult not to glance over at their grass wishing for better, but it would be hurtful to get there and realize everything was artificial.
Artificial because they didn’t use the necessary tools to grow their grass the right way. Instead, they took a different path; went to the store and bought their own grass to make it seem as if they took the time and effort to grow it. I say this because many of us are looking over at artificial grass it looks nice and green but it’s really dead underneath. No, fertilizer was ever planted just dirt covered up by material happiness.
Our happiness comes from God during any situation we can dig into God’s word water ourselves and grow. Real happiness is deep down within, it can’t be covered with material things. We must take time and effort and patiently wait for our own grass to grow by meditating day and night on God’s word.
What makes you happy?
I am just thinking back this morning as I, drink my morning coffee. When I was 5 years old my mother passed out on her way to the bathroom, she was diagnosed with leukemia. I remember I didn’t like going to the hospital because the way she look scared me. I only went a few times; I was only 5 I didn’t understand. I knew she was sick, but not what caused her appearance to change.
Out of that whole time she was battling cancer the only thing that really stood out to me was the way my daddy prayed. He prayed without ceasing, not only did he pray but he called upon others from the church to pray as well. When my father prayed you could see the desire and genuineness he put forth, and he didn’t give up.
My mother battled this for a few years, and she is still here today. I’m 29 now, even though my father is now gone he installed in me to never give up. No matter how tough the road may get, pray without ceasing. Yes, I am aware of the condition that tries to take over. I am also aware that I have more power than my illness will ever have. So every day when I wake up, I let my illness know who I AM. I will not be defeated by some illness that is trying to stop me from my blessings. I will stand in the gap for every person suffering. God had changed my way of thinking, and because of that I can stand here medicine free and encourage other people.
I am not against prescription medications, and never will I tell someone to stop doing what works for them. I can only do what works for me. I can only share my story and experiences with you. I’m not here by mistake, and neither are you.
Remember: Be helpers to one another 💜